Mental Health: How to Help a Loved One in Need

Most of us know someone who’s hurting inside, even if they hide it well. Mental health struggles don’t always look like what you see in movies—sometimes it’s quieter, like pulling away from friends or acting not quite themselves.

One in five people deals with mental health issues each year, so odds are this hits closer to home than you think. Knowing how to help can feel uncomfortable, even scary. But you don’t need a psychology degree to make a difference. Sometimes just noticing and reaching out can be the game changer.

If you’re not sure where to start, don’t freeze up. You’re not expected to have all the answers. What matters most is showing up, listening, and being real. People remember kindness more than perfect words.

• Spotting the Signs: More Than Sadness
• Getting Past the Awkward Start
• What to Say (and What Not to Say)
• Ways You Can Actually Help
• When It’s Time for Professional Help
• Taking Care of Yourself Too

Spotting the Signs: More Than Sadness

When people think of someone struggling with mental health, they often picture someone who’s just sad. But honestly, it’s way more complicated. It can show up as stress, anger, endless tiredness, or someone just not acting like themselves. A lot of folks put on a brave face, so you’ve got to pay attention to the small stuff.

Some signals are easy to spot, others aren’t. It helps to know what to look for, so here are some red flags:

• Pulling away from friends and things they used to enjoy
• More irritable or angry than usual
• Trouble sleeping or sleeping way more than normal
• Change in eating habits—eating little or way too much
• Always tired, no matter how much they rest
• Mentioning feeling worthless or hopeless
• Trouble focusing or remembering things

It’s not just about one bad day. You’re looking for patterns—stuff that lasts for weeks, not hours.

Here’s what the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has found about how often these signs pop up:

There’s no single checklist, and not everyone ticks every box. If you spot more than one of these in someone over a couple of weeks, it’s a signal to check in with them. Trust your gut—if something feels off, go with it. Most people wish someone cared enough to notice. And sometimes, that first small step of noticing can actually save a life.

Getting Past the Awkward Start

Bringing up mental health isn’t like asking someone about their weekend. Most people are afraid they’ll say the wrong thing and make it worse—or risk upsetting the person. But research from the American Psychological Association shows that avoidance only makes things worse, and honest conversation can actually relieve some of the pressure for both people.

You're not expected to fix everything. Just being there and kicking off the talk matters way more than being smooth about it. Here’s how you can get past the weirdness:

• Pick a private, relaxed setting—think a quiet living room, a car ride, or even a walk.
• Start small. You can say something simple, like: “Hey, I’ve noticed you seem down lately. Is there anything you want to talk about?”
• Don’t rush or push for details. Silence is okay. Sometimes, they just need someone to sit with them.
• Avoid judging or over-analyzing what they tell you. This isn’t the time to diagnose, just listen.
• Use open-ended questions like, “How have you been feeling?” instead of “Are you okay?” which might get a quick “I’m fine.”

People often worry they’ll make things worse by bringing up mental health. But there’s evidence it’s better to ask, even if it feels awkward. As Dr. Christine Moutier of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention puts it:

"Asking someone directly about how they’re feeling shows them they’re not invisible. You don’t have to have all the answers; support starts with listening."

So, push through the weirdness. You might stumble at first, but your effort to connect could make a bigger difference than you realize.

What to Say (and What Not to Say)

When someone’s going through a rough patch, figuring out what to say can feel like walking through a minefield. The truth? You don’t need fancy words. Just be honest, open, and let them know you care. Research from Mental Health America shows people feel better when someone listens instead of trying to fix things right away.

The biggest mistake is shoving advice down their throat or brushing off their feelings. It’s tempting to say, "Just cheer up!" or "You’ll get over it," but these phrases can actually make things worse. A lot of people shut down after hearing things like that.

• Start with simple check-ins. Try: “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed down lately. Do you want to talk about it?”
• If they open up, just listen. Let them take their time.
• Phrases that show you’re really there: “I don’t have all the answers, but I care about you.” “You’re not alone in this.” “It’s okay to feel how you’re feeling.”
• Avoid making it about yourself. This isn’t the time for “I know exactly what you mean” stories unless they ask for it.
• Skip the tough love. Telling them to “just snap out of it” or “others have it worse” usually backfires.

Want some quick reference on what helps? Here’s a simple chart so you don’t have to guess:

The National Alliance on Mental Illness says simple, judgment-free support is what most people really need. If you’re at a loss for words, remember: just showing up and being real is huge when someone’s dealing with mental health stuff.

Ways You Can Actually Help

The big question: what do you actually do for someone struggling with mental health? You can make a real difference even if you don’t have fancy training. Sometimes, the smallest things go the furthest.

Start simple, but don’t underestimate how huge showing up can feel to someone down in the dumps. People who get regular support from friends or family are way more likely to recover—for depression alone, studies show social support makes people twice as likely to stick to their treatment and feel better long-term.

• Mental health support starts with consistency. Shoot a text, drop by for a coffee, or send a meme just to say you’re thinking about them. Frequency matters more than deep talks.
• Offer practical help. Is laundry piling up? Groceries running low? Don’t wait for them to ask—sometimes pride or shame keeps people quiet. “I’m at the store, what can I pick up for you?” does wonders.
• Listen, really listen. Being heard is underrated. Sometimes you just sit there, let them vent, and don’t rush in to fix everything.
• Invite, don’t push. Say, "Hey, want to come with me for a walk?" instead of, "You need to get out more." Give options, no pressure.
• Share resources, but gently. Mentioning a therapist or support group can help, and sending a direct link is better than just saying "Google it." Offer but don’t force it.

Want to know what really works? Take a look at this simple chart:

Don’t try to be their therapist (unless you are one). You’re a friend or family member, not a mental health pro. Your job is to make life a bit less overwhelming and show that it’s okay not to face tough times alone.

When It’s Time for Professional Help

Sometimes, just talking and listening isn’t enough. If your loved one is stuck, getting worse, or showing signs of real risk, it’s time to call in pros. There’s no shame in needing a specialist, just like you wouldn’t ignore a broken bone. The tricky part? Knowing when to make that call.

Look for things that go way beyond a rough patch. If someone jokes about dying, talks about being a burden, stops going to work or school, or even just stops showering for days—these are red flags. Sudden mood swings, panic attacks out of nowhere, or seeing and hearing things that aren’t there also count.

Here’s a quick way to spot the difference between normal ups-and-downs and real signs it’s time for more help:

• Their sleep, energy, eating, or focus gets way worse and stays that way.
• They talk about hopelessness, wanting to disappear, or feeling empty all the time.
• They drop stuff they used to care about—hobbies, family, even hygiene.
• You notice they’re using substances more, or suddenly taking big risks.

Worried about the numbers? Check this out:

So what’s the move when you see any of this? Gently suggest seeing a mental health pro—therapist, psychiatrist, or doctor. Be direct but calm. Say something like, “I’m worried about you. It might help to talk to someone who really gets this stuff.”

If it’s urgent—like talk of self-harm or not being safe—don’t wait. Call or text a crisis line, or go straight to the ER if needed. You’re not overreacting: it’s better to annoy someone than to be silent and regret it later.

The bottom line? If things look way off, reaching out for mental health support is a real act of love. Sometimes you’re the bridge to real recovery.

Taking Care of Yourself Too

Helping someone with mental health problems can mess with your own head if you’re not careful. Most people want to give everything, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. Burnout is common, and there’s no trophy for running yourself into the ground. In fact, about 40% of people who care for loved ones with mental illness end up with high stress levels or even symptoms of depression themselves.

Here are some ways to keep yourself in good shape while being supportive:

• Set boundaries. If a late-night phone call ruins your whole next day, it’s ok to say so. Your health matters, too.
• Make time for things you enjoy. You need breaks, hobbies, and decompression time. Don’t ditch your own life.
• Look for support. Chat with others who get it, join peer groups, or talk to a counselor. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
• Learn to say no. Sometimes the best help you can give is letting professionals step in where you can’t.
• Watch your stress signs. If you’re cranky, tired, or getting sick more than usual, that’s your brain waving a red flag.

Stats speak for themselves. Take a look at real numbers from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI):

This isn’t about being selfish; it’s about surviving and being able to keep helping. If you fall apart, you won’t be much use to anyone. Small stuff, like regular exercise, enough sleep, and hanging out with people who recharge you, can make a huge difference. Mental health is a marathon, not a sprint. You’re part of the story, too.